Lunar… Song 270

The moon rises. The stars come alive in my mind. Illusions dance before me in the moonlight. I feel my soul awaken. Songs spring from my heart. Images of dreams and diaries of a forgotten child. I am what I was. I am what is now. In the moonlight I smile. I know the dreams can be real, but the illusions are just that. Illusions.

Song 270: “Lunar”

(Instrumental)

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from bellum spirituale – September 2016, track released September 26, 2016
Written, recorded and performed by Matthew Sams
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I never had the grace I feel today… Song 269

The storm has passed. All protection and pretense has been stripped away. I sit under the stars and ponder my life. I feel naked to the universe. Nothing is holding me back any further. I know there is good in me, regardless of the mistakes of the past. I forgive. I forgive myself. I forgive everyone and everything in the universe. I feel whole. I feel at peace. I listen to the sounds of the waves. They soothe my mind. I smell the air. It soothes my lungs. Breathe in. Breathe out. A star catches my attention. It’s guiding me. Leading me to what is to be.

Song 269: “Stellar Salvation”

The heavens open up
Reveal the stars to me
In naked glory
I feel reborn

In all my days
I never had the grace
I feel today

I know my heart is filled with good
I know my intentions are pure

In all my days
I never had the grace
I feel today

Oh, my world is shining
(My shining stars)
Oh, my world is shining
(My shining stars)

I can see the end of time
These ancient lights always guide me

In all my days
I never had the grace
I feel today

Oh, my world is shining
(My shining stars)
Oh, my world is shining
(My shining stars)

A beauty is revealed
It was mine all along
I am reborn

Oh, my world is shining
(My shining stars)
Oh, my world is shining
(My shining stars)

I never had the grace
I feel today

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from bellum spirituale – September 2016, track released September 25, 2016
Written, recorded and performed by Matthew Sams
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Reborn… Song 268

My vision slowly returns. Hazy blurs of lightning in the distance rouse me. Pain. Not just my body, which may be broken, but my heart hurts. I had hid in the tower for so long. I didn’t realize that it was my prison, rather than my fortress. I tried so hard to hold on to my feelings. My sense of self. My own ego was keeping me in chains. My destruction came swiftly with the storm. As my vision comes into focus, I see the clouds open up above me. The torrents of rain now barely a trickle. The night sky slowly reveals itself to me through the clouds. I feel like I’m floating. I don’t feel the pain anymore. I am reborn in this storm. The pain is enlightening. The bolts struck. I fell. I know where it all went wrong. The clouds are leaving my soul, as well as my sky.

Song 268: “Reborn”

(Instrumental)

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from bellum spirituale – September 2016, track released September 24, 2016
Written, recorded and performed by Matthew Sams
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I was deaf to my own lies… Song 267

I reach for the door in a frenzy. The storm is blinding and deafening. Lightning strikes all around me. My skin tingles. A feeling of dread fills me up. More lightning. More thunder. The tower sways. The tower shakes. Every hair on my body stands on end. A blinding flash. A deafening wind. I’m falling. I’m falling. I see the tower above me, crumbling. I hit the rocks below. I watch numbly as the tower burns and crumples before me. It is gone.

Song 267: “The Tower”

Lightning crashes on my head
I’m blinded by my own fate

A thunder clap rings through my skull
I was deaf to my own lies

It all comes crashing down in pieces
It’s nothing but rubble now

Falling down, I’m falling down
My world comes down to illusions

Falling down, I’m falling down
Falling down, I’m falling down
To my knees

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from bellum spirituale – September 2016, track released September 23, 2016
Written, recorded and performed by Matthew Sams
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These chains aren’t real… Song 266

Night has fallen. I see flashes of light in the distance. Is it the city? No. Thunderheads are gathering. Their slow rumble making their presence felt all the way to me in the top of my tower. I sit and gaze out upon the storm gathering. Lit by candle light, my reflection glimmers in the corner of my eye. I turn to see a grotesque facsimile of me, staring back at me. I feel a crushing weight along the breadth of my shoulders. I hear the clinking of chains as they snake their way around my body, controlled by some unseen force. Gripped with fear, I grip my sword. I am pulled this way, and that way by my unseen tormentors. All the while my doppelganger taunts me. I find the strength of will and I summon up every drop of my courage.

These chains are not real. I let out a scream and the chains shatter. My distorted mirror draws a sword. The battle rages deep into the night. The storm grows to a fierce cacophony. Lighting flashing all around me, seemingly in time with every clash of swords. Thunder so profound it shakes the stone floor under my feet.

I plunge my sword into the black, pulsating heart of my inner devil. I see the doorway just beyond his crumpling corpse. I want to leave. I know I have to leave. Something holds me back. Fear. A growing fear in my heart. My adversary rises, laughing. “These chains aren’t real.” I tell myself as they start to climb my legs. I swing my sword wildly and with one final blow, the devil loses his head. The chains fall away yet again. I rush for the door. I’m free. I know it. I’m free. The thunder shakes me to my knees. The lightning blinds me. I’m free. I know it. I’m free…

Song 266: “The Chain Breaker”

A hatred hides deep in my soul
An ignorance ingrained, a love I’ve never known
The devils in my brain hold my chains

I swing the sword to fight this creature I became
I scream out in defiance, I burn with righteous rage
I hack away my ignorance, I cut through the lies
I stab at my dark black heart, I see with newborn eyes
These chains aren’t real

The devils laugh and taunt me, they claim I’ve lost my will
Hiding in this tower, afraid of what I’ll find
If I look inside, if I try to break these chains

I strip away all pretense, look myself in the eyes
There’s still a hateful creature hidden deep inside
I kick and fight and push and pull and spit in his face
A strength inside me swells, I shatter the illusion
These chains aren’t real

I need to break out of here
The door seems so clear
But something in me won’t let me leave

I stab into darkness
I feel no resistance
I am free

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from bellum spirituale – September 2016, track released September 22, 2016
Written, recorded and performed by Matthew Sams
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Sunsets don’t make you old… Song 265

I sit and contemplate my life. Every extreme I have experienced. My valleys just as deep as my mountains are high. Devastating despair. Ecstatic happiness. Drunken excess. Sober determination. This pendulum swings so far each way. I need to find the tipping point and go no further. My death and rebirth affords me the opportunity to achieve balance. Somewhere in the middle lies the path I seek. All fear needs a counter. All happiness needs melancholia. All darkness needs some light. The path is hidden somewhere in the middle.

Song 265: “The Middle Path”

Somewhere in the middle
When night turns into day
The scales sway, you find your way
And a balance is found
You can fight the pain

Somewhere in the middle
Where black turns into white
The shades of grey point the way
Just before the tipping point
You can see what’s right

For every smile a tear may fall
You may sit in silence
For every trial a fear is lost
You can fight for truth

Somewhere in the middle
Where heat turns into cold
A passion play can keep you warm
But first get through the day
Sunsets don’t make you old

For every smile a tear may fall
You may sit in silence
For every trial a fear is lost
You can fight for truth

Somewhere in the middle
A path hides

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from bellum spirituale – September 2016, track released September 21, 2016
Written, recorded and performed by Matthew Sams
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How much do you really need… Song 264

A box appears in front of me. I reach out to touch it. The wind outside starts to howl, and I hear voices.

“These riches can be yours.” The wind whispered.

“You can be king.” Another voice breathed into my ears.

I open the box. Gold coins, marked with some sort of curse. Nothing comes for free and I know what I have to offer in trade. I value it far more than gold. Much less cursed gold. Still the wind tries to convince me. But I know, money isn’t everything. In the blink of an eye, or the flip of a coin, it could all be gone and I will have lost the only thing I value.

The voices grow louder and more insistent. The wind is almost deafening. A crash of lightning blinds me. I take the box to the window of the tower. I whisper “no.”. I empty the box onto the rocks below…

Song 264: “Coin of Fate”

Money isn’t everything
How much do you really need

With a flip of the coin of fate
It could all go away
It could all go away

A healthy soul is more important
You’ll have everything you need

With a flip of the coin of fate
It could all go away
It could all go away

With a flip of the coin of fate
It could all go away
It could all go away

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from bellum spirituale – September 2016, track released September 20, 2016
Written, recorded and performed by Matthew Sams
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